Thursday, 9 February 2012


Right. In every day life there's a hella lot of things that piss me off, I'm just that kind of person. Clothing errors are just one! 

With this post, I'll start with the


Not just the visible panty lines but more the fact that people don't seem to realise that there are a thousand different shapes and sizes of underwear for women because there are thousands of different shapes and sizes of shorts, trousers, skirts and dresses.

Breaking news folks: ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL

I'll begin with the basic VPL error: the too-tight trouser with the basic brief...

Now although this isn't the worst VPL scenario there is, she still probably should've double checked the rear view before she left that morning. Please give a double salute for the two Major Errors in our presence. For starters those jeans are white. Second, they're far too small. When your jeans become the rolls of your skin I'm sorry to say... they just don't fit. Skinny jeans or not. Take them off! As for the underwear, although it's not hideously offensive she could have easily avoided any underwear eyesore after getting better fitted jeans either by donning a thong or some French knickers - I often like the happy medium that seems to be a cross between the two. You might not think it but those Frenchies are versatile little buggers. Due to the lace edging, the seams often vanish under jeans and trousers. Always check first though, a thong may work better (just make sure you perform the crack test as I'll mention later in the post).

French Knickers 


French Knicker Thong

All £4 each or 3/£10
at Topshop

These can also all work for tight shorts, however if they're looser you could always opt for the plain and simple hotpant brief...

Again, all £4 at 

I realise some people reading this may feel condescended - I apologise. However, the daily eyesores I endure inform me that far too many ladies in this country are completely unaware of these minor fashion mishaps. I'm here to help I really am.

Ok, so here's where it gets more complicated. We don't all wear jeans and trousers every day (thank heavens). So what about the almighty return of the legging? It wasn't so much of a problem until we all got brave enough to shorten our tops...

I'm not usually one for celebrity bashing, but Kelly Brook... get your game face on, girl!

Thongs are usually the biggest problem with cotton leggings, let's be honest ladies, as fashionable as they are right now, our arses are the fattiest part of us - them's the rules! If we hadn't chosen to be such a lazy species we may not have evolved to have such cushioned behinds, but we have - so let's not make matters worse for ourselves! You name it, I've had a thong in the wrong leggings reveal it to me - dimples, cellulite, wedgies - the lot! I don't know about you but if I had all that going on back there, I wouldn't be in a hurry to show everyone on the high street. If the leggings are thicker and a bit more sturdy then a thong should work fine. If not, try wearing some seamless briefs.

Sometimes though, we just need to use our brains a little and just take a second to figure out if what we're about to pull off as trousers really are leggings...

In the case of this lovely lady, she did not pass such a thought.

...and I've seen this Major Error in the white version as well... more than once!

I don't have an image to support my next issue, although last summer was what prompted my little underwear lesson when I couldn't go 5 minutes without seeing an out-of-shape bum being wedgied to the core by some palazzo trousers. Yes, they're lovely, and yes, they're great for the larger woman and the tall and skinny alike, HOWEVER - please please please please please stop wearing them with thongs!!!! It is completely unnecessary. I don't care how free you feel, there is a point where you can be too free flowing in public, it's just indecent! The best thing about palazzo trousers is you can wear any goddamn piece of rubbish underwear you like with them - just not thongs! They're baggy and loose and you will never see a seam as long as they fit you well. I'm begging all of you, take heed, wear some briefs, avoid the wedgie because the arse in front of me always seems to be showing crack.

And while I'm on the subject of mis-worn thongs, give a second thought the next time you're about to don that short, floaty skirt.

My last point isn't so much an underwear issue, but one way to resolve it is with the correct choice of control pants. Here I present every woman's nemesis, the muffin top:

Now, although I can't see her from the front, she doesn't look like an overweight girl, which is why I've chosen this example instead of the hilarious muffin top eye-candy that google has to offer. Short of a few ab twists and crunches, this lady could have solved her problems with two things: better fitting jeans and control pants. Yes, they were invented for a reason, and although I'm very pleased to say I've yet to need any, I'm sure I'll embrace them when I do. A lovely pair of seamless, high-waisted control pant shorts would provide a delightful overhaul for this problem - and they even work wonders under the right leggings!

That's it from me for looking at lady's bums for now, I hope someone can learn something tonight, and tomorrow I'll see one less thing to unnecessarily get me in a grouch!


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